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04 September 2010 @ 03:41 pm
I have no problem admitting that the skull and the shock blanket need to team up their powers of awesomeness. *is picturing the skull and shock blanket hovering as though part of one...person wearing a shock blanket*


This is what happens when I get sufficient sleep.

...Not too different from what happens when I get insufficient sleep, though. lol

Also...okay, I find it weird that I have a male friend (well, I say friend...) who's utterly in love with a girl...and, well, he asks me for advice since she's not interested in more than friendship whilst he says more than once that he would die for her.


I've never been in a serious relationship. Whether or not I've even been in a relationship is up to interpretation. (Avoidance makes it difficult to be in a relationship, so it seems.)

But, hey, there's the benefit of that whole "excessive monitoring" of others whilst conversing with them. Apparently my understanding of people isn't total shite. Hm.
mood: amusedamused
music: "Coming Undone" Korn
30 August 2010 @ 09:11 pm
It has been far too long since I last posted. But that is, I'm afraid, my way. *sigh*

And yes, I am bothered by the fact that I have been actively procrastinating since yesterday. Which, well, seems pretty, uh, pathetic given that classes began today. Hm.

Oh, and in case it wasn't blatantly obvious (which it is, don't get me wrong), I am currently quite interested in BBC's recent series 'Sherlock'.

Yep. Going to wander off with the hopes of doing homework and the expectations of epically failing in that endeavor. And here...we...go.


p.s. -Need new mood pics. I've known this for quite some time. As much as emotiKhans amuse me, no. Just say no.
mood: annoyedannoyed
music: "100 Ways" Rob Zombie
23 July 2010 @ 02:57 pm
Are any other Sherlock Holmes nerds amused by the recent Lion's Mane incident in New Hampshire? I mean, ignoring the whole people-were-in-pain thing.
locale: Olin 101
mood: amusedamused
music: "Black Hole Sun" Soundgarden
06 June 2010 @ 11:38 pm
I'm turning 20 tomorrow.


That's just weird. I mean, from a non-"this is how time goes" standpoint.
mood: blankblank
music: "World Genocide Blast" by Psyborg Corp is in my head.
In the meantime, here, have a sketch of Jeremy Brett.

Originally, it's a skull against his cheek. I, feeling much too lazy to draw the skull, decided to pretend I knew what a knee might look like. I actually don't care what that extra thing is, as long as Jeremy looks like Jeremy.

Preferably, that extra thing is connected to a mustachioed man. But I digress.

OMG I drew hair. Someday I might bother to use a scanner instead of my camera. Someday I might get a sense of proportion. Who knows?

I have little in the way of artistic self-esteem, so I better go post it before I decide to hold it back (like the x Star Trek and Sherlock Holmes fics I've written that I've shared only with Jamie). Ahem.
mood: pleasedpleased
music: "Bad Romance" Lady Gaga
30 May 2010 @ 07:57 pm
It's a side-effect that I usually don't think about quite as much. When I think about my anxiety, I think about the larger consequences.

I think about the fellowship nomination. I could not make myself fill the application. I sat there, refusing to eat until I did so. I did not do so. I did not even use the restroom. By 6 pm, my father had come in and entreated me to shower and then eat dinner. At that point, he offered homemade pie and then took me to Dairy Queen, at which point he said I should fly down to California, stay at my male friend's house, and go to Disneyland. I guess he'd never had the severity of my anxiety thrown in his face to quite that degree before. That was a year ago. God, I still remember his expression when he opened the door...

I think about the community dinner tonight. I didn't want to be around people. When my door was twice knocked upon (since I'd signed up as wanting to attend, after all), both times I silenced myself and feared I had been overheard. I didn't want anyone to know I was here and was later reluctant to leave for the restroom in the possibility someone would see me.

I think about the desperate clutch for a focus, the too-loud nonstop chatter about Holmes' cocaine-use during the first o-chem test review of the second semester, my giggles at my inability to recall a thing as I stared down at the practice exam in carefully hidden horror.

I think about waiting for soup to heat in the microwave during this last semester and pacing in the desperate hope that it would tie me to the here and now. I think about that most terrible feeling of skirting a precipice, the edge threatened to crumble the more I focused upon it. I think about how I tried--how I try--desperately to focus upon something else, something not of my stress, and how it led to my procrastination, terrible procrastination. Edited for fail: That precipice is the feeling that if I keep thinking about my terrible feeling of unsettled nervousness, then I shall certainly lose my mind. Not pleasant.

You see, I've built my life around my educational status. Everything is for the grade, which is for the resume, which is for the unknown future that, hell, may not even require an elevated status. My body is a "mere appendix," to borrow the phrase, although it still embarrasses me to hell with my frail self-esteem. Sleep is unimportant in the face of an assignment.

I have spoken to one person today and seen none. My mother called me, you see. Admittedly, I can hear my neighbors through the walls. It doesn't really make me feel more connected at the moment.

An acquaintance is hoping he can teach me the ways of summertime public transportation tomorrow. I've stopped messaging him on Facebook because I dread saying yes, dread making it a necessity to interact tomorrow. Who knows what my mood will be? Might it approach my current mood? If so, interaction with someone I don't trust is not such a great idea. (I trust only a very few people, so this is no insult to him.)

*sigh* I need to take a walk to try to burn away the shaking. I doubt it will be enough, but if it can allay the nerves enough to prevent the cliff from drawing nearer to my feet then I might as well try.

...Can we tell why I feel a connection when reading of Sherlock Holmes?
mood: anxiousanxious
No, really.Collapse )
mood: embarrassedembarrassed
30 May 2010 @ 03:43 pm
Porn, jasmine tea, and dark chocolate. I approve.
mood: amusedamused
music: "Closer" by NIN. Repeat one, baby!
23 May 2010 @ 08:43 pm
Anxiety is annoying. *must go find something to read and focus on*
mood: frustratedfrustrated
music: "Hit Me Hard" Noisuf-X
23 May 2010 @ 05:34 pm
I've moved into my dorm for the summer, and utter nerdery was simply required. Here be one of the walls. (Blurry pic, but I don't give a frack.)

mood: amusedamused
music: "Carpe Diem (Transmission Mix)" Bigod 20